Warning: Photo may be disturbing for readers
For this SoS post I wanted to return to the previous theme of the feelings that can lead a person to begin considering the concept of taking their life – by sharing the feelings I was experiencing before I attempted myself.
My previous post last week was on the concept of loss. Today’s post I wanted to focus on the second feeling that was strong enough to lead me to want to end my life – and that feeling is the feeling of betrayal, the feeling one gets when confronted by lies.
A lie is a simple as telling someone his/her shoes are nice when in reality, you dislike them completely. Many will argue this scenario is okay. Others will retort that it leads to only worse lies. I side a little with both schools.
The terrible lies are the ones I am referring to. The lies that perpetuate acts of manipulation, deception and self-gain in the highest degree – the ones that are categorized underneath social engineering.
Now I’m going to do something a little different. I’m going to share with readers a photo I took during one of my attempts – a note I wrote for someone to find me had my attempt actually succeeded. The note was written on the only material I had around me at the time, and beside it I placed the material I was using to end my life – shards of glass.
This note was written in response to the deceptions I gave into.
It says “So how can I, forget the way you lead me through the path into Heaven, to leave me behind.”
It’s a lyric from a song written by the rock band Disturbed. Before I go further, the song did not influence me in the attempt. I used its lyrics because I felt like it was best at expressing the betrayal I was going through, the betrayal that was created by lies.
I was a victim of lies. The social engineering created by those manipulations of finances, of possessions, of faith, of the heart, the list goes on.
And when the truth came out, I attempted something like the little Dutch boy did with his finger in the dam against the sea – I tried to hold it back.
It didn’t work. The truth overwhelmed me and swept me in an emotional vortex. It led my mind to consider giving into the tides and losing myself to the ocean of the painful reality I was suddenly forced to accept.
I leave out specifics because despite the pain and the deception, not even the perpetrators should be defamed and libeled. Privacy and respect will remain a definitive in my list of values, so my expression of how the pain from lies led me to contemplate and attempt suicide will refer to the material of the matter, not the people in question.
How can you know that your friend of concern may be a victim of deception? The kind that leads to thoughts of suicide? How can you help them cope when the eventual reality strikes?
Remember that first of all, they must discover it for themselves. In a situation where a person is chained by another, and doesn’t even realize it, the person must become his/her own savior. All others who try to get involved may be seen as an enemy without evidence of the reality. No friend wants to eliminate hope, and even false hope has a power, despite its illusory nature, that can destroy precious friendship.
Guidance is the key to success in allowing the situation from falling into more desperate circumstances. Closeness and maintaining a watch on your friend or family member during the moments that there is suspicion that said person is being lied to and betrayed. Because once they realize the reality, they are going to need you.
Be open. DO NOT USE HINDSIGHT BIAS. There are times when “I told you so” will salt the wound rather than mend it. And a lie that leads to betrayal is one of them.
These are my personal feelings on the subject of lies. It’s a painful issue in a world of abusive, manipulative people. However, we also live in a world where we can team up and show we are stronger as we help each other through it all.
If you wish to increase awareness, especially of how social engineering, manipulation and lies and lead to suicide, please share this post. Comment if you would like to share what you feel about the subject.
– Jeremy Unitt